For all those times when you're not okay: 16 messages that I hope will help you

Although life is full of so many wonderful creations and exciting possibilities sometimes it can feel really hard. Not everyday feels like warm sunshine and bright rainbows. So for those days, weeks or months that feel harder than usual, when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, when all you want to do is cry, I hope these suggestions and reminders can offer you some comfort during the tough times.

1. YOU matter and you will ALWAYS matter.

And you always will. You can gift the world with your contribution. Change comes from a collaboration of voices, actions and ideas, from people from all walks of life, and you can be a part of it. Never ever let anyone make you feel insignificant, invaluable or like you don't matter, because you do.

2. You are NOT alone.

Even though we live in a world where we can speak to someone just by pushing a few buttons it’s easy to feel isolated. And unfortunately the current pandemic doesn’t help. But no matter how alone or isolated you feel please remember you are never alone.

3. Live in the moment.

Does thinking about ‘the big picture’ feel overwhelming at the moment? Scared about what the future looks like or have no clue what you want it to hold? Maybe you’ve lost someone close to you and thinking about the future right now is a sad thought, knowing that they aren’t a part of it. So don’t. Don’t think about the future. For now focus on just getting yourself through one day at a time. Focus on what you want to do TODAY and leave future thinking for a time when you feel ready.

4. Summon your inner strength to not neglect yourself.

Doing day-to-day mundane things can carry little importance. You may wonder ‘what’s the point’? What’s the point in getting out of bed or brushing your hair or cleaning your teeth or trying to integrate healthy foods into your diet? But these things matter. These things matter because it means you care about yourself and your existence. These things matter because by committing to the doing these small things it shows hope and optimism that things will be better. So, you have find the inner strength inside yourself to do these things you think are pointless or too hard. Even if all you do in one day is have a shower and put on clean clothes count that as an achievement and be proud of yourself – you took a big step today. One day at a time.

5. Connect with the outdoors.

Get out from under the duvet and leave the house. It’s a tricky one – maybe you feel low in energy, sad, numb, or feel an ache in your chest. Therefore perhaps you don’t want people to see you and you don’t want to interact with other people. But allowing yourself to take in some fresh air and feel the sunlight on your skin can make such a difference. Go for a walk around a local park or woods and tune in to nature - or take your headphones, whatever works for you. And if that feels like too big a step then sit in your garden (or on your balcony if you have one) and enjoy the outside that way. You could even sit in a room with a big window and make sure it’s open with the blinds up so you can see the sun and the sky. Do not stay inside your living room or bed with the curtains drawn in a dark room.

6. Meditate or do yoga.

Personally I know the stereotype that can come with these activities, especially yoga - slim, flexible woman holding very complicated stretches. But this simply isn't true; anyone can take part and both of these activities can be really beneficial. You don’t need to flexible and you don’t need to be a guru and know all the pose names. But if you’re still not sure and feel nervous about joining in with other people then utilize the internet! Sign up for an online class and turn your camera off. Or have a look on YouTube for a beginners video and have a go in private. Yoga can make you feel so much more energized by stretching and moving different parts of the body and meditation can help you to release worries or unhelpful thoughts from your mind, creating a very soothing effect. It is definitely worth a try.

7. Simply put, move!

Any form of movement, physical activity or sport you feel comfortable with do it.

That could be...

Hopping up the stairs at home.

Taking the bike for a spin.

Lacing up the running trainers.

Getting your gardening gloves on.

Going for a walk.

Taking your recycling and pay a visit to the recycling centre.

Plus many other suggestions in the picture below!

It does not need to strenuous, high intensity exercise. If you feel low in energy and the idea of doing any form of physical activity or sport right now does not feel you with you with joy that's okay, take small steps. As the picture below states 'something is better than nothing'. Whatever it is that gets you moving and feels right to you, do it. Go get that rush of endorphins! Feel proud that you have done something positive to try and get your mind and body to a healthy place.

8. Detox, detox, detox.....

...of anything that is harmful to your mental health. That may be toxic relationships or friendships, it may be deleting a social media account or it may be anything else you deem unhelpful. If it's something or someone that you can't just simply cut out of life then perhaps consider limiting your contact with it. For example, if your job is causing you immense stress? Then perhaps consider asking for support from your manager maybe in the form of taking take time off, reducing your working hours or reducing your work commitments. Do you need to use social media to keep in contact with friends, family and access information on group pages but you know you often compare your life to other people's? Why not set a few days each week where you don't use that social media at all. Or perhaps challenge yourself not to use social media sites first thing in the morning. Whatever it is that you do just make sure you surround yourself with people and things that make you happy.

9. Speak to someone.

Talk about how you’re feeling. DO NOT bottle it up. Please. Even if you’re one of those people who doesn't want to be an openly emotional person. By not talking about how you’re feeling you can cause yourself immense stress, affecting your physical health as well as your mental health. Still not sure about talking to other people? Want to talk to others but you’re struggling to know where to start or what to say? It doesn’t have a to be a big fuss if you don’t want it to be. May you could just simply choose to say “I need a hug today” or “I want you to know that I’ve not felt happy” or “I need some support right now”.

If you don’t have anyone around you right now to talk to there are many charities and helplines you can contact – they all have people who would be happy to help you. Here are just a few that you could use:

Samaritans - Samaritans.org 116 123

Mind – Mind.org.uk 0300 123 3393

CALM – thecalmzone.net 0800 123 3393

Papyrus – papyrus-uk.org 0800 0684141

Childline – childline.org.uk 0800 1111

The Mix (for under 25s) – themix.org.uk 0808 808 4994

SANE – sane.org.uk 0300 304 7000

Plus you can find many more on the NHS website under the mental health charities and voluntary services section.

If you want to have a deeper conversation about how you feel these charities would be happy to signpost you to various counselling and support systems that you can utilize. Whether you choose to speak to someone you know or one of the support systems listed above they all want to and are willing to help you as much as possible - so please use them.

10. Hold on and have hope.

It’s tiring, it’s emotional, it’s draining and these feelings you have may come back. So this can feel like such a long hard battle that you're fighting. But keep reminding yourself that the rain is temporary and the sun will come back. YOU WILL feel better. It’s so hard to see it from this perspective when you’re in that bad place. But it will. Whether you’ve lost others or you’ve lost yourself remember; the world is full of goodness, you are full of goodness and your life still has so many more possibilities and opportunities. Hold on.

11. Set yourself things to look forward to, big or small.

This could be...

“Today I’m going to have a massive slice of chocolate cake!”

“I’m going to watch that Netflix programme my friend recommended to me!”

“I’m finally going to test out my bike!”

“I’m going to facetime a friend!"

“I’m going to draw the bubbliest bath ever!”

Give yourself treats WITH NO GUILT WHATSOEVER. In normal circumstances would you perhaps consider giving yourself treats little and often? Yes. But this isn’t normal circumstances. You are fighting your brain, one of your most powerful and influential organs in your body; you need it back onside, working with you as an ally and as a friend. You need self-care. You need self-love. If you do lots things that you enjoy then hopefully your brain will start to move away from focusing on toxic and harmful thinking and more towards happy and positive thoughts. Now go and crack out that Ben & Jerry's tub from the freezer - you need it and you deserve it.

12. Find hobbies that you’re good at or make you happy and do them, lots.

Let them make you feel empowered, strong and capable again. Throw yourself into your 5km training, focus on how you can improve writing, read that genre of books you like, plan how you can catch a bigger fish at the river you go to, practice your piano, perfect your lemon drizzle recipe, challenge yourself to remember the next train that will come into the platform during your trainspotting adventures. Whatever that thing is to you make it something that you enjoy, gives you happiness and makes you feel like you again.

13. Put yourself first.

Have no guilt whatsoever that you are not able to carry out your normal duties/responsibilities for others. This time right now needs to be YOURS. You need to focus on getting yourself better. How can you be expected to help others the best you possibly can if you don’t help yourself first? For example, if someone messages asking for you to check a report they've written you may want to consider saying no. Harsh as that may be (and horrid as that may feel if you’re a people pleaser) you have to focus on yourself. Kindly tell them that you are not in a good place and that you need to focus on yourself right now. "Me time" is not selfish, "me time" is needed.

14. Take a moment to remember what you are grateful for.

Take a moment to remember what you DO have instead of what you don't have.

That could be....

Your friends.

Your family.

Your health.

The clean water you drink.

The roof you have over your head.

The opportunities you’ve had.

The opportunities you will have.

The beautiful area you live in.

The people you reached out to who have given you hope that things will get better.

Whatever it is that you are grateful for write it down. Write it down and when those difficult days come take a moment to reflect on that list and remind yourself of the wonderfulness that is in your life.

15. Be kind to others.

When your mental health has deteriorated your first priority of course has to be yourself and as mentioned you should not feel guilty for not being able to carry out your normal commitments. That being said although your number one focus has to be you doing kind things for others may improve your mood. Often people feel satisfied and happy knowing that they've made someone else happy. This does not need to be a big grand gesture - you may not have the energy for this anyway. It could be as simple as smiling to someone as you walk down the road, leaving a nice note for someone to find in a library book or holding a door open for another person. Kindness creates positive ripples; being kind to others is likely to boost their mood and cause them to replicate that same kindness towards other people. Help spread kindness to other people; they may really need it.

16. Be kind to yourself.

Perhaps you are dealing with feelings of guilt and you are overthinking the past, overthinking things that happened days, weeks or even months ago, because you made some wrong choices. But that recognition that you know that you made those bad choices is a good sign - it means you can learn from it and be better.

All that is left is to say sorry, if appropriate, and move on. You have to accept that as much as you’d like to change what happened and have forgiveness that may never happen. You just have to treat it as a learning experience and focus on being happy.

Perhaps you believe that how you feel is unimportant because others are in worse situations or you're embarrassed about how you're feeling; don’t. You only have to look at statistics to see that many people struggle with their mental health, it's not uncommon. The perception of mental health is changing; mental illnesses are starting to be given as much importance as physical illnesses. If you broke your arm you would realise that you that need treatment and help so why not give that same acknowledgment to mental illnesses? Just because we can't see the problem doesn't mean these problems aren't there. Acknowledge how you feel. It’s okay to recognise that you may be in a more fortunate position than others but that does not make your feelings any less important. If something feels hard for you then it is, simple. Only you truly know how you feel so don’t let others trivialize it. On top of all of this remember: if someone you care about was thinking or vocalizing all of these feelings of guilt or embarrassment or self-loathing

would you think it’s okay? Would you say these hurtful things to them just as you say them to yourself? No! Of course you wouldn’t! So if you wouldn’t treat someone else that way don’t treat yourself that way either. Be kind to others but also be kind to yourself.