Still I run

Your mind is on overdrive; the ‘power on’ is stuck,

Memories of mistakes, you caused a complete muck,

Over criticising, overthinking and whispering unhelpful thoughts

But apologies have been made and lessons certainly well taught

I forgive myself, allow self-compassion and still I run

Can you really achieve it? Can you be good enough?

Look at what she’s doing - she’s confident and so tough,

You can never be as good as her you don’t have enough grit,

Not yet maybe but have faith that you will, just try your best and stick with it

I stay hopeful, dream a dream and still I run

Where do you fit? Where should you stay?

Where do you belong now? Where can you keep out the way?

You wonder who your true allies are and who just pretends to care

But regardless you know those few you can turn to because they are always there

I reach out to those closest, feel their support and still I run

Those unkind words and actions they certainly did spread,

They festered in your broken heart and spent a lot of time in your head,

That monologue of insults causing so much sadness and self-doubt,

His anger truly understood but you know he didn’t need to be vile and shout

I wipe away the tears, remember the whole truth and still I run

Walls now being built, barricades growing tall,

Note to self: constant defence may be hard but be careful if you ever let it fall,

Relationships are formed but zero reliance and maintaining independence is the trick,

Because you know now when someone hurts you it hits you like a ton of bricks

I embrace my new strength, practise self-sufficiency and still I run

Still I run.

And amongst all this you face choices, choices only YOU can make.

You can continually beat yourself up or you can let the past go,

You can compare your life and achievements to others or you can firmly tell yourself “NO”,

You can look at your journey and criticise the error of your judgement

Or you can realise without that you would not be the better person you are in this very moment

(Still I run)

You can ponder on those words destroying your self-confidence and self-trust

But rationalising remarks made in heightened emotion is definitely a must,

You may have dips when one’s comments make you feel incapable and weak

But you smile as you lift your weight into the air because they are wrong and your outlook needs not to be so bleak

(Still I run)

You can get wound up over someone’s petty and unreasonable complaints,

Feel sorry for them, try to empathise and don’t fight back; you must show restraint,

Someone’s lack of remorse may create frustration because of hurtful events that transpired

But bitterness is not helpful so see the good in everyone; to be happy positivity is required

(Still I run)

You can feel devastated from your loss of loved ones, miss them and notice the pain

Or you can focus on who you do have and those people who you happily gain,

You can avoid close ties so you don’t get hurt vowing never to love again

Though one day someone may surprise you and that faith you once had in romance you may slowly regain

(Still I run)

You can recognise the tears running down your cheeks during the times you feel lonely

But remember the people you have and realise “I’m alone” is just your mind and your mind only,

You can feel tired when you battle to keep going through a raging storm,

Just remember you’ll be in the sun again and when you are it will feel so bright and warm

(Still I run)

You can feel terrible about the pain you caused looking at your reflection in dismay

Or you can vow to be kind and smile when “thank you” is what people say,

You can punish yourself for mistakes or you can feel pride about all the times you’ve grown,

You can find change tricky but accept you can’t control life; though you have choices it's simply so unknown

Whatever I choose to do, whatever happens, still I run

I. Will. Run.

I will run through the forests I will run through the trees,

I will run on sunny holidays next to the clear blue seas,

I will run through the fields mud splattered on my face

Showing huge effort to stay sturdy but displaying little grace,

I will run on the track with a bounce in my step

Doing various repetitions I believe to be good race prep,

I will run whilst juggling study and trying to be academic

And it will act as a coping strategy during a global pandemic,

Big city races and small local events both will be done

Making sure I do what I enjoy in order to uphold my passion to run,

I will run amongst the crowds I will run alone,

I will train with the pack despite if we moan and groan,

I will run through the bitter wind and copious amounts of rain

And even when I don’t enjoy it I will still want to do it all again,

I will run with friends I will run with strangers,

I will even run at night despite advise to stay home because of the “female only dangers”,

I will run when I’m at my worst and I will run when I’m at my best

Because even if I don’t PB running is my constant and it’s what I do best,

When I have nothing else I will run because it’s what I know,

Because every time I run my potential and knowledge will always grow.

I will not be stopped I will not be brought down: STILL. I. RUN.

Then... one day... you will find you’ve become knackered, and weak,

Your body will struggle to keep up with your mind... and you’ll no longer be at your peak,

Those momentary jumps in the air can no longer be taken,

The realisation that you can no longer run leaves you distraught, gutted and shaken.

But…this is not the end: you will not stop,

Performance may not be possible but your importance will not drop,

You’ll still be there but now with stopwatch in hand, adapting to your new role

Showing everyone that your love of track, road and fields is still a part of your soul

Throughout it all, always, still I run